As compared to divorcing couples without children, parents going through a divorce have many additional factors to consider. They must decide who the children will live with and when, how to pay for child-related expenses, how to transport the children between homes, and much more. The interim between the decision to divorce and the finalization of a divorce can be especially tricky to navigate – especially when children are out of school for summer break.
Children are deeply affected by divorce – even if they do not show it. Many kids feel like their world is being uprooted when they find out their parents are splitting up. They may act out, misbehave, or refuse to speak to one or both parents. They may pretend that nothing is wrong and bottle up their emotions. Some children and teenagers lock themselves in their room and escape difficult emotions through video games or television. Parents can help support their kids through this difficult time by making themselves available to talk whenever the children are ready to talk. Make sure you explain that the divorce is only between the adults and that you and the other parent still love and care about them.
Many different scientific studies show that consistency and predictability make kids feel safe. You can help your children get through the divorce by providing a consistent schedule and routine. This can be hard when school is out for summer. However, consistent bedtimes, routines, rules, and expectations can go a long way. Some parents are tempted to spoil their children and let them break all the rules during the divorce, but experts say this actually does more harm than good.
If you and the other parent do not get along well, a casual “handshake agreement” regarding custody arrangements during the divorce process may be insufficient. You may want to get a temporary order for parenting time and parental responsibilities. Having a plan ensures that both parents are legally bound to the custody arrangements and further promotes consistency in the children’s lives.
We assist individuals and families in Cook, Lake, and DuPage counties.
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